Looking Back

So I ended up almost entirely rewriting the scenes that I had written years ago. It was time consuming, but worth it. I kept the frame of the scene intact, most of the events still happen, but I redid the phrasing completely.

Sometimes I get really down on myself because I feel my writing is still very amateur. Honestly it is compared to the authors I look up to, but whenever it weighs too heavily on me I go back and read my old work from even as early as two years ago and I laugh. Between now and then it feels like worlds apart. Every line I tore out of that rewritten scene and replaced felt amazing.

I can only imagine in another two years when I go back and reread my novel I’ll groan and ask myself what I was thinking when I was doing the initial rewrite.

Most of my early writing experiences were fanfiction. I still write some from time to time, mostly for my own enjoyment. When I was younger however, I shared it on websites. Periodically I’ll find the old files on my computer and open them up to read them. I always wonder what in the heck I was thinking. Not only are the plots usually ridiculous or the characters not actually in character, but the quality of the writing is horrific.

Sometimes I still get emails indicating that someone liked or followed those old stories or my old profile and I laugh. Some of those stories are over eleven years old and I wonder how in the heck anyone can enjoy those things. Still, I let the stories remain instead of deleting them like I’ve contemplated dozens of time. Oddly, they still bring people joy for reasons I cannot figure out and I have to admit my guilty pleasure of going back to find stories I read when I was 14 that are poorly written, but that I still somehow love. I would be sad if those authors removed their old works, so I won’t do that to those who bizarrely still like mine.

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